They all said it. They all said what creche would bring. They warned us. They said to stock up on Calpol, Neurofen, anti-biotics and anti-virals. They said that creche is a petri dish, a breeding ground for diseases, a veritable pot-puree of poxes and pustule causing nasties.
We laughed behind our hands. We sniggered, not our Max we said. He is a strong robust fighting Irish sort of a baby. He has white blood cells like Ice Hockey enforcers, he has skin of iron and the constitution of an ox. He won't succumb to the little bacteria or the viruses, he is immune.
Look it turned out he wasn't. Now it's not as though he has been wiped out, it's not as though he has lain in bed for the last two weeks. He has however had a sort of running sickness. The best medical advice is that this could last until he is 10 and it becomes uncool to be the guy in class with the runny nose.
The runny nose is a baseline. The runny nose is like the flour in baking, a constant. There are many different additives. The first is a dry cough. A dry hacking 20 Benson's a day cough. Thankfully he coughs very little. The second is a spot of reasonable conjunctivitis. Aparently everyone gets this. It's pus in the eyes, that seems to be all. It didn't seem to bother him too much but the gunk in his eyes when he woke up glued his eyelids shut for a few seconds. This distressed him, but then he got them open and he smiled. Then of course he coughed and got distressed again. These three things, the nose, the cough, the eyes, they are in a little revolving circle of low level illness.
What's next I wonder? Could he get a bit of a stomach bug? I have the wall cleaning liquid at hand. I have the industrial strength nappies in stock. There is enough talcum powder and baby-wipes around to plaster-cast the GPO. If its not a bug then we have the major pharmaceutical companies on speed-dial.
My question is this, why in the hell can we not eradicate this stuff. Think of the loss of earnings, productivity and sanity that is caused by low level sickness. There must be money in it. Are the big multi-nationals not throwing millions at this. Parents of rich and poor alike could surely get behind a campaign. I will certainly throw in a fiver which is all I have left after the creche fees that caused all of this in the first place.
Little Max is bearing it all like a trooper. He was off his food for a bit but is back on it in a big way. Shepard's pie was today's big hit. He is sleeping very well and he is seriously on the mend. The funniest thing is when he sneezes. A long tube of light green splurg shoots out and rests like a dead caterpillar on his upper lip for a few seconds. Just until his hand comes up and spreads the splurg across his face. The trick is getting the tissue to his nose before he gets his hand there. Believe me I have considered strapping his hands down but in the meantime I have become very adept at grabbing tissues and leaping over furniture.
I plan to set up a small virus and bacteria reference lab and let Max be patient zero in an aggressive Edward Jenner style elimination of all baby diseases. Are you with me?
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