In Star Trek - The Next generation a Klingon refers to humans as 'ugly bags of mostly water'. Now anyone who describes Max as ugly will be on the harsh end of a Klingon pain stick but the bag of mostly water bit. That bit I get.
I didn't really understand it until I accidentally shook him. Now I'm not talking about a violent shake, I was just going a little fast in the feeding chair and it was like a slow shake. I heard a gloop, a very distinct gloop. The same type of gloop that you would get if you tilted a half-full bottle backwards and forwards on its side; gloop, gloop.
This was added to the other Sci-Fi reference which is equally alien. In fact it is exactly Alien. A newly born Alien in the Sigourney Weaver series pours water from its mouth almost constantly. This is often the harbinger of the vicious large critters and it puts me in mind of Max's constant stream of drool.
When these two fantastical references are put together with his constant peeing (my shorts are the most recent casualty) and his splish splasing aroung in the local pool, the real meets the fantasy and I am sure that my son is a big slooshy gloopy bag of mostly water. That does not in any way take from his wonderfulness and beauty!
What it does do is make fast movers out of his mother and father. We run for the nappy, we run for the muslin to soak up the drool, we run for the muslin to soak up the vomit and we run to replace everything that he pees over. Water is key and without it we would all be prunes. I have tried to imagine us all as prunes and its not pretty.
Along with this dependence on water comes the sounds. Not just the gloop, the cornucopia of other liquid noises. For the want of a Taxonomy I will start at the head.
When he feeds he makes a very vampiric sucking noise, accompanied by a sort of liquid snort that sounds like a sucked straw at the end of a Macdonald's soft drink. His throat then makes the funniest sound when there is stuff going in or coming out. It's like a little gargle. It's like a little gargle except that that it goes on for quite some time.
Further down into his chest there are the swallowing noises that are a bit like a central heating system with loads of air in it. There is a rattle here and a drip drip there and then the whole system explodes in a fit of hic-coughs.
Even further down are the farts. They are very funny indeed and the stuff of many a low budget English sit-com. They are even funnier when caused by a sneeze or a cough. They have a distinctly watery side to them but I cannot describe them any further as readers are fed up of me talking about Max's rear end!
The only part of Max that has nothing to do with water are his legs. They are solid as a rock. He can't stand on them yet but he can bear his own weight and he kicks like a mule. He has also taken to smacking them down, sometimes to his own surprise.
On the news front, he has some new noises, 'nga nga' and the arrival of the 'g' is good as soon behind it will follow the 'd' and then it's a short hop to da-da! He also grasped a rattle. He shook it, it made a noise and he reacted and then he smacked himself in the head with it. He's a very advanced bag of mostly water.
No comments:
Post a Comment